You Catch More Flies with Ice Cream than with Vinegar

We've all met a complainer. A mother-in-law who dislikes the way you've decorated the mantle...and everything else in your house. A teenager who always looks on the dark side. A roommate who keeps a list of every dish you've ever left in the sink. An infant that is never, ever full. They're everywhere. And they're out for your soul.

Maybe the reason we don't love complainers is the negativity inherent in their presence. Between the moaning, griping, and nitpicking, there's really not a lot of room for laughter, smiles, and solution-making. So, the other day when I discovered yet another unfortunate air bubble crowding my expensive pint of Ben & Jerry's, I thought, "What if I changed the way I complained this time?"

Here's the email I came up with for the folks at Ben & Jerry's:

Dear representative,

There are two places on God's good earth that you really don't want to find an air bubble: 1) your artery (what medical experts call an “embolism,” and can lead to stroke, heart attack, and death), or 2) at the bottom of your Ben & Jerry's pint (what self-proclaimed ice cream experts call extremely disappointing, and can lead to tantrums, fits of tears, and in some cases, also heart attack.)

You see, cracking into a fresh pint of Ben & Jerry's is often the trademark of a special occasion. Perhaps you're celebrating an anniversary and have chosen to go with decadence, or you're trying to get over a breakup and will regret a nice pint of Chubby Hubby less than a pint of vodka. Either way, to be interrupted by a massive air bubble in your ice cream...well, you can imagine the devastation.

That, my dear comrade in ice cream, is why I am contacting you. After finding the fifth or so air bubble in a series of cartons, I believe it is time to seek closure. I've run a series of complex statistical analyses in my basement lab, and I’m quite confident I’ve been cheated from at least one pint of Ben & Jerry’s. I would be grateful to have that pint restored in any way you see fit.

Thank you for considering my desperate plight. I’m looking forward to hearing back from you.

-Phoebe J. Aubrey

I admit, there is definitely some griping and moaning here, but I was going for something of a humorous hyperbolic flavor. Not half bad, I think.

A few days later, I received this in the mail:

If you don't feel like squinting to read the small print, it's a perky letter explaining the source of some air bubbles, and 3+ pints of free ice cream.

Now, there's a really good chance that I would have received the same sweet treatment even if I had written an obnoxious letter bemoaning my *Phish-food-flavored fate. But this positive-approach method...isn't it so much more fun for everyone involved?

*Phish Food is one of the best Ben & Jerry's flavors of all time.